Reviewed
by Lamar Kukuk
1/16/07
I'm a sucker for creature
features: all the way back to the days when I used to plop my pre-teen
butt down on the couch to watch Creature Double Feature on a now-defunct
UHF station, I've always loved to watch giant creatures make life miserable
for the poor humans who dared to get in their path. Because this
opinion seems to be in a distinct minority, my options to see this sort
of thing in the theater aren't what they used to be. But don't let
Hollywood Pictures' deceptive ad campaign (serial killer, my ass!) fool
you: Primeval is a genuine, honest-to-God giant crocodile
movie. Saints be praised!
After making his cable news
network bosses look bad by getting a big story wrong, news producer Tim
Manfrey (Prison Break's Dominic Purcell) and his trusty camerman Steve
(Orlando Jones) are sent to a civil war-ravaged African nation in search
of the giant crocodile Gustav, who has just made news by killing a UN Anthropologist.
They're paired with an eclectic (albeit familiar) team: Aviva Masters
(Brooke Langton), a reporter who specializes in human interest animal stories,
Great White Hunter Jacog Kreig (Jurgen Prochnow), Steve Irwin knock-off
Matthew Collins (Gideon Emery), local kid JoJo (Gabriel Malema) and a couple
of scary soldiers. The group is told to stay out of local politics,
particularly where the fearsome warlord dubbed Little Gustav is concerned.
And the chase is on: soon enough the hunters have become the hunted,
and both Gustavs are looking for a piece of our heroes.
Each of us has a weakness
for certain disreputable genres, and the above plot synopsis will no doubt
eliminate 95% of potential Primeval viewers. What matters
to those who remain is how well the movie succeeds at satisfying the entries
on Lamar's Monster Movie Checklist:
1)Is the monster cool?:
YES! Big Gustav is as good a monster croc as I've ever seen on film:
fast-moving, vicious and athletic. And there wasn't one moment when
I thought he seemed like a refugee from a video game (lots of nighttime
action helps to keep him from having to look TOO good).
2)Are the heroes fun?:
Yes, again. It's funny to see the usually teeth-gnashingly intense
Purcell as someone who actually smiles and laughs fairly often. Jones
is one of my favorite movie second bananas (Don't get me started on how
overlooked Evolution is...), and whether handed them by writers
John Brancato & Michael Ferris or improvising them on his own, his
wisecracks are top-shelf. Langton (“We've got to help these people!”),
Prochnow (“That beast must die!”) and Emery (“I won't let you harm this
magnificent creature!”) perform their stock roles admirably.
3)Is there any plot to speak
of?: Three for three! The combination of Reporters on the Run
from Evil Warlord and Anyone on the Run from Evil Crocodile is surprisingly
good. A third-act surprise about the identity of Little Gustav is
totally unbelievable (what exactly is the point of accumulating all that
power if you're going to use it in the manner he seems to be doing?), but
the film succeeds in bringing both Gustavs together for a satisfying finish.
4)Is the action relentless?:
OK, nobody's perfect. Under the direction of episodic TV vet Michael
Katleman, Primeval takes a pretty leisurely stroll through its'
93 minute running time. The croc attacks are exciting, but we could
have used a slightly more palpable sense of our heroes being on the run
rather than the stroll.
All this said, there are
two kinds of fans of this sort of thing: the PG-13 crowd (show me
the action but keep the grue to a minimum) and the R crowd (I want severed
heads, dammit!). I sit somewhere between the two, and so does Primeval.
After a nasty opening attack on the UN worker, the mayhem isn't quite as
brutal as one might expect to see in the average Sci-Fi Channel movie.
There's tons of blood, but entrails are mostly kept to a minimum.
So, in conclusion, let me
say again: THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT A GIANT CROCODILE. If you're
still reading, odds are you'll have a pretty good time at Primeval.
If you're not, well, then there's no point me wasting any time saying anything
to somebody who's not reading, is there? |
