Reviewed
by Lamar Kukuk
12/26/11
I am
hard-pressed to think of any man better qualified to direct a movie called
Shark Night 3D than David R. Ellis. The former stuntman has
never matched the greatness of his criminally underrated 2004 thriller
Cellular, but in the years since he’s made two movies that position
him uniquely to unleash man-eating 3D sharks on unsuspecting theatergoers.
First, and most famously, he helmed Snakes on a Plane which, behind
its bizarre, self-defeating hype, was a delightfully efficient SyFy-style
creature feature that knew how to wink at its own absurdity with the best
of them. Then came The Final Destination,
still one of the best-looking 3D movies made, with its terrific grasp of
what it is that a modern-day grindhouse crowd wants to see when third-dimensional
actors get ripped to shreds. And Night does have moments of
grandeur, particularly after a third-act twist that takes the proceedings
to a delightfully audacious place. But it’s also a whole lotta lame
in the early going, as a bunch of third-rate characters go through awkward
and dull paces while occasionally getting chomped on. If you walked
in on Shark Night 3D at the 2/3 mark, you wouldn’t have missed much.
But if you left then, you’d be sorrowfully mistaken: the last half
hour of this movie is gold, right up to one of the most delightfully nutty
things that’s ever run after a movie’s credits.
Seven
Tulane University students are headed for a weekend retreat at the family
vacation home of Sara (Sara Paxton), who hasn’t been back there in three
years. Friend-who’d-like-to-be-more Nick (Dustin Mulligan) brings
his roommate Gordon (Joel David Moore), who lusts after Sara’s friend Beth
(Katharine McPhee). Rounding out the crew are jocks Malik (Sinqua
Walls) and Blake (Chris Zylka) and the former’s fiancé Maya (Alyssa
Diaz). En route, they run into Sara’s hostile ex Dennis (Chris Carmack)
and his friend Red (Joshua Leonard), and the friendly Sheriff Greg Sabin
(Donal Logue). Once they set up shop on the island, predictable “we’re
about to get killed off one by one” antic occur, and soon enough, Malik
is attacked by a shark while waterskiing. He’ll never make it without
medical help, and wouldn’t you know there’s no landline and no cell signals!
So one futile effort to take a boat off the island after another is sabotaged
by sharks that seem to be everywhere in the waters around the island.
Just how did these killing and eating machines find their way into these
normally peaceful waters? Dumped there by a storm surge? Or…
something else?
Ellis
joked during production that the movie would be released as “Untitled 3D
Shark Thriller”, and for too much of its running time, Shark Night 3D
feels as perfunctory as that title suggests. Avatar’s
Moore and surprisingly spunky American Idol finalist McPhee are
the standouts amongst a sincere but bland group of victims whose thinly-written
characters don’t exactly scream for feature-length examination. And
gorehounds looking to watch these pretty people get all naked and mauled
will be disappointed: Shark Night IS rated PG-13. Some
of the 3D shark effects are pretty good, but as long as we’re kept wondering
just what these sharks are doing here, it gets to be a pretty long Shark
Night.
And
then comes the reveal. *****SPOILER ALERT: THE GUILTY PARTIES,
THOUGH NOT THEIR CLEVER SCHEME, WILL BE REVEALED***** Not only does
what we learn about why Dennis, Red and Greg would stock the waters with
sharks and feel nubile co-eds to them turn the movie around, it also makes
that generic-sounding title among the year’s most clever. Logue gets
a really great Talking Killer scene as he prepares to feed Nick to the
fishies, and the climactic struggle, where Dennis is really willing to
go the extra mile to see his ex die, is quite exciting. While Paxton
and Mulligan struggle a bit to elevate their two-dimensional characters
while on land, I really felt for them as they fought for their lives at
the end. *****END OF SPOILERS*****
But
above all discussion of the fact that you really might want to start the
DVD at the hour mark and assorted other business comes the single most
important thing I can tell you about Shark Night 3D: DO NOT
LEAVE BEFORE THE CREDITS ARE OVER! No, there’s no story tag, no setup
for a sequel, but there is “Shark Attack!” a music video the cast seemingly
made themselves throughout the production for a rap song Mulligan wrote
and the cast performs more or less in character. It may very well
justify sitting through every minute of early banal screen time to know
what’s being referenced as the song walks you through the movie’s often
ridiculous paces in a way that makes you wish the characters had broken
out in rap throughout. I’ve probably seen five dozen better movies
this year, but just about none that sent me out with a bigger smile on
my face thanks to the wonders of “Shark Attack!”
Genre
fans are famous for their low standards, and I’m guilty as charged:
give me a unique and exciting twist on something I’ve seen a hundred times
before and I’ll forgive a lot. Make no mistake, there’s a lot that
needs to be forgiven about Shark Night 3D. But there’s just
enough cleverness, originality and hissable villainy to, for me, carry
the day. Oh, and there’s also “Shark Attack!” which might just be
worth the price of admission itself… well, maybe not the 3D surcharge. |
