Reviewed by Lamar Kukuk
1/23/07
Without meaning to, The
Hitcher asks a fairly intriguing question: just how much plot,
characterization, and logic does it take to make 80 exciting minutes into
a “good” movie? Your reaction to this remake of an 80's horror standard
I've never seen should tell you everything you need to know about your
own feelings on the subject. It contains virtually no plot, no characterization
and no logic but is nonetheless well-made and relentlessly exciting.
College students Jim Halsey
(Zachary Knighton) and Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) hop into his car to
spend spring break with some of her friends. Along the way, on the
obligatory dark, rainy night in the middle of nowhere, they come upon a
lone man standing in the middle of the road. They wisely keep driving,
but he catches up to them at a mini-mart where Jim feels pressured into
giving him a ride to a nearby motel. Of course, the man, calling
himself John Ryder (Sean Bean) quickly proves to be a homicidal psycho,
and while they're able to get him out of their car, they can't get him
out of their lives. He leaves a bloody trail of bodies everywhere
he goes, all the while systematically framing them for the crimes.
Police Lieutenant Esteridge (Neal McDonough) is hot on their trail, but
will he realize the truth before it's too late?
And that's pretty much it.
Run, run, run, kill, kill, kill, with the occasional break so characters
can take breaths and showers (get those tongues back in your mouths,
One Tree Hill fans; Bush's shower scene is strictly PG-13). One
might expect a motivation for Ryder's rampage to ultimately emerge, and
I can piece together three or four possibilities based upon what we see,
but there really is nothing to The Hitcher other than its' scary
concept and relentless action sequences. That it works as well as
it does is a testament to the action and horror skills of music video director
Dave Meyers.
Bean makes the risky decision
to play the role as though there's a very clear and kinda tragic reason
for Ryder's maniacal quest (he does want something, I'll leave at
least that minor secret for you to discover). It works: Ryder
is the movie's most interesting character even if we never learn a single
thing about who he is or why he does what he does. Of course, he's
writing a check the movie doesn't care to cash, and the moment I felt worst
about the entire enterprise was when the screen faded to black at the end.
Yes, that was all there was...
Among the other actors, Bush
shows nice charm and vulnerability and made me wonder what she could do
with a character with attributes other than a weak bladder and a fondness
for brand-name junk food. Of course, Grace is a regular Hamlet compared
to Jim, who honestly doesn't have ONE distinguishing characteristic.
Knighton doesn't give a bad performance per se, but I don't think I could
describe him to a police sketch artist just two hours after seeing the
movie, which can't be a good sign. McDonough brings his usual bearing
to his nothing role, basically there to pad the movie out to its' 80-minute
running time, but he's clearly coasting and looks like he's never worn
his uniform before.
The real villain here is
the screenplay, credited to the original's writer, Eric Red, along with
Jake Wade Wall and Eric Burnt. I kinda imagine each one telling their
friends that their draft had a plot, but the other two mucked it up.
Beyond characters so thin you can't see them when they stand sideways,
the script has an evil little insistence that neither Grace nor Jim can
ever tell any third party the one thing that would get them out of trouble.
Grace loves to yell “Listen!” and “No, you don't understand!” when people
are telling her to shut up, but when she actually gets a chance to talk,
little details like “We're being chased by a psychotic hitchhiker” keep
slipping her mind.
So, back to the original
question: The Hitcher is kinda the ultimate moron movie, slickly
produced, packed with nice scares and adrenalin-pumping action, but spectacularly
unrewarding on any intellectual level. I kinda liked it in its' own
stupid way, but as the credits rolled, I felt like I'd taken a long drive
to nowhere. |
